A Lazy Island in a Sea of Web Insanity

Tribute to Skinamax

A Tribute to the greatest cable station ever, Cinemax (Skinamax) and it's biggest star Shannon Tweed. cinemax was the gift bestwed upon men who stay up late and want to stay up late.

For the average man, it all started right around twenty years ago with the marvelous introduction of cable television. Prior to that, we as red blooded, males were forced to rent full blown adult videos from the neighborhood rental store to satisfy our carnal cinematic desires. Like lepers, we were made to feel looked down upon and scorned by the wholesome, middle aged, contemporary Aunt Bee clone that always seemed to be behind the counter when you wanted to rent your favorite film. When in reality all that you needed to quell the aching visual need for female flesh was by no means as graphicas what was offered out there in all the back room, curtain guarded, sections of the video store. And then, by the grace of a higher power, cable televsion gave us the option of pay movie stations.

This was a benefit for the entire family. In the evenings and during the day, we were offered recently released movies that were unedited and commercial free. By the time the family was safely tucked away in bed and dreaming of puppy dogs and ice cream cones, the men of the house were looking for something a little less wholesome to watch.Particularly something produced and written by someone who fully appreciated the beauty of the female body, and how that beauty can be enhanced by adding another female body and a mediocre script that had an attempt at actual acting. Since that magical point in history we have been treated to a wonderfully fulfilling journey that left us satisfied without feeling like a sexual deviant just because we happen to enjoy two luscious vixens playing together

Due to my deep love of the late night softcore film genre, I am happy to announce the introduction of the M.B.T.R.(Mike's Boob Tube Review) Lifetime Achievement Award. This is a prestigious honor that I do not take lightly. It takes a certain special something to even be considered for such a monumental accolade. Since this is the first award of its kind, we are setting a new precedent and must make sure that we properly set the bar for all future honorees. I must begin by assuring you that I have done what would be considered more than ample research for this undertaking. Countless hours spent alone in the wee hours of the morning with nothing but my harmless insatiable lust for naked women pawing at each other, and myself for entertainment. Believe me it was a sacrifice; but, in order to preserve the integrity of the award, I felt like it was something that I had to endure.

With that being said, it is my great pleasure to announce that this years winner is the ever talented Shannon Tweed. Who could've guessed that I would have picked a six foot tall Canadian as the first inductee? The world was first introduced to this vision of loveliness in the 1978 Miss Canada pagaent; however, she garnered much more popularity as the 1982 Playmate of the Year. From that point she has gone on to star in nearly fifty movies and a number of other television appearances including sitcoms such as Frasier and daytime soap operas.

Forever burned in my memory are such instant classics as Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, Bimbo Movie Bash, and Hot Dog- The movie. Not to mention the multiple film series such as Night Eyes and Indecent Behavior. What separates Shannon from the rest of the late night actresses is the fact that she really isn't a terrible actress. I'm not saying that I would cast her as Ophelia in Hamlet anytime soon; yet, when she appears on programs that air before midnight, she certainly holds her own. I can't even joke about saying the same statement regarding her costars in the genre. Not only does she act in her films, she also has some production credits to her name.

Alas, it pains me to it say but I feel that I have taken for granted the fact that Shannon Tweed will not be around forever in the same cinematic capacity that she currently occupies. With the unfailing progression of years, the mortality of her broad sex appeal to the masses comes into question. Unlike the father of her two children(Gene Simmons) and his bandmates, I have confidence in her ability to realize that her time as Queen of late night cinema may be drawing to a close, and that a graceful fading away is the best path to take. And that leaves us searching for a princess to replace the Queen. Yet I know that she can never truly be replaced.