Financial Consequences Of A Husband's Superstition

"Ed signed the other estate planning documents, but won't sign the durable powers of attorney," she said. "He says he will, but when I remind him that the planning isn't complete unless he does sign, he accuses me of nagging. He knows it's not rational, but he says it makes him feel better. Even though I understand it, I feel like a hostage to his superstition." Is there any difference between that kind of thinking and not walking under a ladder, wearing garlic around your neck to protect you from vampires or crossing the street when you see a black cat?

When I interviewed William, he said he'd been busy, had other things on his mind and just never got around to it. He intended to make the transfers as soon as he had a minute. Yes, the lawyer had offered to take care of it, but he preferred to do it himself.

Meanwhile, Lila's hands are tied because he doesn't want her to take care of it either. "My husband's friend had a fatal heart attack on the tennis court the day after he and his wife signed their living trust," she said. "You try convincing my husband that the same won't happen to him."

Superstition is a powerful, irrational and usually subconscious, belief that keeps many men from taking action to protect their wife in case they die. It presumes a causal relationship between something we do or don't do and the outcome of some future event.

My husband died 30 days after our estate plan documents were signed. Was there any connection between that and his death? Am I so significant to how the universe works? Of course not.

If only we had that kind of power. If only we were the center of the universe, where what we do matters on a cosmic scale. It's comforting to think that a higher power is watching and rewarding or punishing, waiting until all the papers are in order and everything is signed before taking us away.

It sounds so simple and silly, but this kind of thinking is real and widespread. Unfortunately, superstition impacts the lives of too many wives whose husbands won't follow through with the necessary arrangements to protect them.

Please have your husband read this. Legal and financial consequences operate in the real world. Good intentions and drafts of legal documents don't count. If you're not protected by signed and witnessed estate plan documents, none of the planning you did with your husband counts.

(c) 2008, Helga Hayse. Reprints welcomed so long as the article and byline are kept intact and all links are made live.

Helga Hayse is author of "Don't Worry about a Thing, Dear" - Why Women Need Financial Intimacy. She teaches women about participating and understanding their marital finances and speaks to financial planners and estate planners about how to encourage crucial conversation between generations. Take her free financial intimacy quiz and read her frequently updated blog at www.financialintimacy.com