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Marriage Advice

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My wife says I am too loud when I watch sports. She says it's not normal for a grown man to yell at a TV and mutes the TV till I shut up. What do you think?

Muted in Omaha

Dear Muted,

It is perfectly normal to yell at a TV. How else will everyone know when the refs blow a call during the game or your favorite athletes needs advice.

What isn't normal is for a wife to mute your TV. You have a couple of choices; You can put up with her disrespectful bevavior or the one we like. Go to Hooters and watch the game. Those women know how to treat a man who is watching sports. By walking around in shorts and tank tops serving our favorite beverages and chicken wings. FYI- this advice works for almost any occasion.


Dear Club Husband,

I am a 44 year old man who can't get two hours of quiet time to watch a ball game. It doesn't matter if it is baseball, basketball or curling, every time I sit down in front of the TV I get presented with a to do list 8 miles long. Can you please help me?


Lazy and Liking it

Dear Lazy,

First of all who was the idiot who taught your wife to write? Since that horse is out of the barn let's move on to things we can change.

You have more than one option here.

The one I use is, to do the chores so badly I am never asked again. Case in point, I haven't done laundry in over four years because I "don't fold clothes correctly."  What a shame!

Another option is simply to ignore her until she goes away. This can be irritating if you have a determined spouse.

My favorite, if you can get away with it, is; go to Hooter's ( or a similar place ) to watch all sports. Those women never ask anything except if you want more wings or beer. Yes and yes!

It will cause some "sleepless" active nights to become quite peaceful but it's the price we must pay to watch our sports while being catered to by beautiful women in orange shorts and tight tank tops.


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