Daily Dose of Crap November 29
I was watching morning news the other day and they had a segment on losing weight. So I thought what the hell I've put on the equivalent of a small child this year so I'll watch. They had some cute little blonde on there telling me I need more exercise. (To hell with that I was hoping for a miracle pill or something.)Even though I disagree I kept watching because after all she was blonde and cute. The best part was when she started demonstrating the stair stepper. This was not bad as far as morning TV goes. It was so good I even kept the sound on. Although I admit that was mostly because of an over sight on my part. But the world is a strange place and because of that I was rewarded for forgetting to mute the television. I was rewarded by the following. Julie Chen asked her "what can you do if you don't have this expensive equipment". Blondie(or is it cutie?) answered politely. I don't remember her exact words but something like, you can do lots of things like walk. The reason I don't remember her exact words are because of the flood of thoughts that came to my mind(or was it the tequila I consumed the night before?) Right away I shouted at the television. "You stupid bitch! Maybe you could climb real stairs! That might be almost as good as a stair stepper you dip shit!" Where the hell do they get these people? I think they might want to start taping and editing their comments for stupidity. Not to save her from embarrassment but to save the jackass's job who hired such a moron. But who am I to complain. I enjoyed the show. This actually reminded me of a time I was watching the news and a local politician said" We have no tolerance for intolerant people." I swear he really said that. Hey not even I can make something like that up. November 28 Happy Thanksgiving! As another Thanksgiving arrives I think of a few of the things I am thankful for.
November 27
We live in a nation with attention deficit disorder. We can't decide who it is we want dead first. Ten years ago it was Saddam. Last year it was Bin Laden. This year it is Saddam again. We need to decide which one we want first, kill him, then move on to the next bad guy. All this switching back and forth gives me a pain in the neck from swiveling my head back and forth. My personal favorite is Bin Laden. I think he deserves to die first. He has earned the right. I don't care if we have to go door to door starting in Kabul and ending in Omaha lets find the bastard and exterminate him. Then we can move on to over throwing Iraq. Hell we practically had it destroyed once before so it shouldn't take long. A month or so of sending cruise missiles should do the trick. And if it doesn't I'm sure there are some fighter pilots that still remember the way to Bagdad. So let us make a to-do list. A) We kill Bin Laden B) Over throw Iraq Then I have some suggestions after that. C) We sedate Richard Simmons D) Muzzle Carrot Top D) Gag Oprah and her husband Dr. Phil E) Fire Bud Selig F) Drown all lawyers G) Make doctors government employees with an hourly pay rate H) Have mailmen pickup garbage while they are on their route I) Make garbagemen responsible for any containers they destroy J) Air condition the state of Florida K) Put a dome over Seattle L) Make hot wings free for all Americans M) Make it lawful for women to go topless until the age of 45 N) Consolidate all fast food restaurants to free up real estate O) Outlaw snow on the days I travel more than ten miles P) Outlaw popup adds on websites Q) Make all legal porn free to the masses R) Make child porn punishable by death S) Do away with all wild card playoff spots in all sports T) Post signs outside the homes of antigun people so crooks know who to rob safely U) Make beer free during the first three innings in major league stadiums V) Make all pro coaches spend every fourth year coaching youth sports W) Make any pro athlete who acts unsportsman like to play one year for free X) Make it mandatory for all websites to have a link to Club Husband.Com Y) Have a government funded retirement for webmasters above the age of 40 Z) And of course outlaw bare midriff shirts on anyone more than two pounds over weight November 26 A month till Christmas! The celebration of our saviors birth. A day where we all get together and eat too much, drink too much and show everyone that we spent too much. Christmas in America has become such a conglomeration of all the traditions from different nationalities that we can no longer tell the celebration of Christmas from the acts of our drunken brother in-law. Isn't it odd that we celebrate the birth of the Lord's son by hanging things from a wooden object. A little ironic wouldn't you say? Also odd that the patron Saint of sailors, St. Nick, has surpassed Christ as the center of the holiday. We may call him Santa Claus but he still is the guy that cares for drunken sailors at the Vegas conventions. If it was up to me Santa Claus would be the patron Saint of commercialism. How many of you know that our image of Santa as a fat little bearded man was invented in 1935 by the Coca Cola company. That was the year they first began their yearly depiction of Santa drinking a Coke. Thank God we didn't wait another 50 years or we'd all be waiting for a polar bear to come down our chimneys. I ask you, what would we leave out for a bear? A whole cow? Certainly not a few cookies and some milk. Another thought, the night a polar bear comes into my living room I get a new rug and anyone scheduled for delivery after me is sadly out of luck. Let me finish this with what I think is the oddest tradition of all. Kissing under the mistletoe. As a general rule kissing is always good. But under mistletoe? Mistletoe is a parasitic plant that lives off the life of trees. But that is not the worst of it. The common name of the plant is derived from the ancient druids belief that mistletoe was propagated from bird crap. This belief was related to the then accepted principle that life could spring from dung. It was observed in ancient times that mistletoe would often appear on a branch or twig where birds had left droppings. "Mistel" is the Anglo-Saxon word for "dung," and "tan" is the word for "twig". So, mistletoe means "dung-on-a-twig". In plain terms we are kissing under shit on a stick. So let us go forth and celebrate the birth of a Savior. We will hang our balls from trees. We will visit Claus and his drunken sailors. We will hope Coca Cola doesn't layoff Santa because bears work cheaper. But most of all we will pause in doorways and kiss the women with the eternal hope that the shit stick doesn't fall on us.
November 25 Winter is here and the mower is gone. Really not gone but put away. Far, far away. I don't want to see that damn mower ever again. Next year I'm hiring a college coed to mow my lawn. Not one of those mousy bookish types either. I'm going for one of those Physical Education majors. And let me tell you I'm not settling for a women golfer type. I think I'll try for a volleyball player. Maybe basketball. But definitely one of those female athletes with long legs and big smiles. A pair of legs that leads to something that would be fun to watch push a mower around the yard. I'm looking forward to the spring already! November 24 Why is a library free but a video store isn't? Are movies more important than books? Is there a mystery why our children think so? The strangest thing is it costs to rent movies and its's free to rent books but most of our children have never been to a library outside of their schools. Can the same be said about the video store? I suggest you get off your ass take and take your kid to a library. Who knows maybe the little booger eater will like to read so much that he will become successful and support your bad habits long after your wife grows tired. It's a hell of a lot better bet then him becoming successful sitting on the couch next to you eating chicken wings and being able to support your old disgusting habits twenty years from now. November 23 I'm back! Did you miss me? Of course you did. You haven't had any crap for a week. No one to point out lifes little peculiarities. So let me take this time to point out a few. The telephone company has an automated answering machine Some bottled waters cost more per gallon than gasoline Gasoline taste better than some tap waters The more channels we get on our TVs the less there is to watch Actors pretending to be policemen make more money than the real thing More people watch Leno than Letterman The Constitution has to be interpreted even though it is written in English America gives a crap what France thinks on any issue let alone war People travel abroad even though they haven't seen all of America We believe politicians who wear combovers even though they lie to their own mirrors Reno is west of Los Angeles even though Nevada is east of California Cowboys ride bulls or horses but not cows My dog has a license but he can't drive A mini van is bigger than a maxi pad TGIFs are open everyday Men of the cloth work on the sabbath even though God ordered them to rest And with that I shall rest. November 14 I would like to volunteer my services as the next guru of good taste. Now that it looks more and more like Martha Stewart is going to be designing slip covers for cell cots America is going to need a new leader. I think I can do it. I've seen the crap she tries to pass off as food I know I can do better. She is one of the few people I have seen that can take a fine piece of meat and turn it into something I wouldn't feed to a cat. And everyone knows how I hate cats! How she can go to a butcher shop pay fourteen dollars a pound for beef then screw it up. Listen stupid when you have good piece of beef you do two things. Throw it on the fire and flip it over. Anything else is a crime. But I guess I don't have to explain to you about crime. The kind of dishes you cook or actually you have someone else cook, while you take credit are nothing but overkill. If you have a decent product to start and a few spices the rest is skill. But if you have a great product and some kind of french sauce the rest is covering up the lack of skill. So America I think I can lead you to a better culinary place. Now as far as her crafts go, I can't compete. Truthfully I have never made a greeting card holder out of a turkey skeleton. I usually just make soup out of it. But I am willing to learn. I do have some ideas if you are patient I am sure I could come up with more. I can make confetti out a phone bill. I can also make a phone out of two cans and a string. This I learned after making too many phone bills into confetti. I can make an excuse out of any situation. Example, she wasn't a lap dancer honey, she thought I was Santa Claus and she obviously needs a pair of pants and a shirt for Christmas. As you can read I do have some talent in this area. I do concede I'm not up to Martha's standards especially in the excuse area. Example, I had no inside information, it is just a coincidence that my stock broker did and I sold the same day he did. I admit I can't compete with that one. Although I will contend that mine are maybe not as big but they far more believable. So America please let me be your good taste guru. What's the worst that could happen? Somebody get arrested? November 13 I thought I'd seen it all till last week. I was watching the weather and saw the most amazing thing. I saw a weather woman standing in a torrential down pour complete with hood and umbrella reporting that the drought is not yet over. Well honey let me give you a clue. When fish are drowning in your yard the drought is officially over. I don't give a crap how many inches of rain we are below last year or last month the drought is over when your car floats away. It doesn't matter if we are below our average rain fall for the year when my shed becomes a hot tub without the hot the drought is over. Are you getting the idea weather girl? Let me be the first to say. One more time. The drought is over!
November 12 How times have changed. When I was a small boy I can remember watching Bonanza every Sunday night with my Dad. It was his only night off and there was only two channels so there never was a discussion. Sunday night we watched Bonanza case closed. I don't even know what was on the other channel because all I ever saw was the Cartwrights. Now I have boys of my own and we still watch Bonanza. The differences are that I work at home so I have every night off. We also have more than two channels. At last count we have 155 channels. But we still watch a western that has not had a new episode in thirty years. Is it because it makes me miss my Dad less? Maybe. Is it because it reminds me of a simpler time in my life? Could be. Is it because it is still the best thing on TV? We think so. But unfortunately I don't think it's the best show on television because of it's acting. Although it was very good. I don't think it's the best show on TV because it was one of the first shows that was in color. Color TV just isn't as impressive as it was in my childhood. I think it's the best show on day after day, almost hour after hour, thanks to TV Land, because the geniuses that run the networks haven't had an original idea since Milton Berle was king. Year after year they copy each others hits until they make us run from the television screaming. Right now if you took the ER clones, the Law and Orders and the C.S.I.s off the air you wouldn't have enough shows to fill one night. Well maybe one night. But if you threw in the shows with a flaming gay character, David Letterman would come on right after the evening news with Dan Rather. Well at least that way I could get some sleep instead of mindlessly surfing the channels and muttering to myself. "For seventy-five bucks a month you'd think there'd be something good to watch."
No crap today just football.
November 9 McDonalds has been saved! The stumbling giant of fast food has come up with a plan to reverse it's recent misfortune. They are going to sell cobb and caesar salads. What a master stroke. Sell up scale salads to people that want a 79 cent hamburger. These people at McDonalds are brilliant. They have to be because their strategy is way beyond my comprehension. I have studied this since I first read about it and I can't figure out what they are thinking. Their thought processes seem to be way beyond a normal human beings abilities. There is no way a normal person would have thought to sell four dollar salads in a restaurant that is having trouble producing cheap hamburgers at a rate that satisfies their customers. And to make it even more amazing they are going to start doing this nationally during the Christmas shopping season when no one is looking to spend much money eating out. But apparently McDonalds is looking for the shock value to spur this new menu or why else would they roll out a salad promotion going into the winter. A traditionally hard time for selling salads any where let alone in a fast food restaurant. My only suggestion to the kings of fast food is, if you are going to let Ronald make decisions you might want to stop selling beer and wine in the corporate headquarters. Yes believe it or not McDonalds sells beer and wine in the corporate offices lobby restaurant. Think about it. How else would you explain how the company has been run since Ray Kroc, the founder, died?
November 8 What is a Vet............. He is the cop on the beat who spent six months in Saudi Arabia sweating two gallons a day making sure the armored personnel carriers didn't run out of fuel. He is the bar room loudmouth, dumber than five wooden planks, whose overgrown frat-boy behavior is outweighed a hundred times in the cosmic scales by four hours of exquisite bravery near the 38th parallel. She (or he) is the nurse who fought against futility and went to sleep sobbing every night for two solid years in Da Nang. He is the POW who went away one person and came back another - or didn't come back AT ALL. He is the Parris Island drill instructor who has never seen combat - but has saved countless lives by turning slouchy, no-account rednecks and gang members into Marines, and teaching them to watch each other's backs. He is the parade-riding Legionnaire who pins on his ribbons and medals with a prosthetic hand. He is the career quartermaster who watches the ribbons and medals pass him by, but keeps the supply lines full. He is the three anonymous heroes in The Tomb Of The Unknowns, whose presence at the Arlington National Cemetery must forever preserve the memory of all anonymous heroes whose valor dies unrecognized with them on the battlefield or in the ocean's sunless deep. He is the old guy bagging groceries at the supermarket - palsied now and aggravatingly slow - who helped liberate a Nazi death camp and who wishes all day long that his wife were still alive to hold him when the nightmares come. He is the brother who gave up his scholarships and gambled his future to fight the Cold War. He is the father who now rests not at the nursing home but at the veterans cemetery. The same man who when told The President needed his help in defending the country didn't ask why. He only asked where? He is the nephew of a Cold Warrior. He is the Grandson of a Roosevelt soldier. He is the older brother who stands between evil and America. He is the son of proud parents. But most of all he is the proof that America's future shines bright because his generation has chosen to carry the torch high and proud without fear. He is Bin Laden's worst nightmare.He is his country's greatest asset. He is a United States Marine. He is an ordinary and yet an extraordinary human being - a person who offered some of his life's most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificed his ambitions so others would not have to sacrifice theirs. He is a soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness, and he is nothing more than the finest, greatest testimony on behalf of the finest, greatest nation ever known. So remember, each time you see someone who has served our country, just lean over and say Thank You. That's all most people need, and in most cases it will mean more than any medals they could have been awarded or were awarded. Two little words that mean a lot, "THANK YOU." It's the soldier, not the reporter, Who gave us our freedom of the press. It's the soldier, not the poet, Who gave us our freedom of speech. It's the soldier, not the campus organizer, Who gave us our freedom to demonstrate. It's the soldier, Who salutes the flag, Who serves others with respect for the flag, And whose coffin is draped by the flag, Who allows the protester to burn the flag.
(Please send this on after a short prayer.) Prayer for our Servicemen Lord, hold our troops in Your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen. ------------ When you read this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Afghanistan. Of all the gifts you could give a U.S. serviceman, prayer is the very best one. Amen This was sent in by a reader
November 7 I don't care what the feminists(any woman who disagrees with Club Husband) say, Penthouse is still the greatest magazine on Earth. The women are unbelievable and so are the Forum letters but who cares. The magazine has everything a man could want. Pages and pages of beautiful women and stories that make you believe that if you sit around eating pizza by yourself a hot horny woman might stop by and have her way with you. If you are real lucky she might have a even hotter friend who wants to join the fun. We know it's a one in a million shot but what the hell that's better than nothing. And it's a hell of a lot better than sitting around eating pizza without Penthouse. So guys do yourself a favor and enjoy an American institution. It's your patriotic duty!
November 6 Another election is over and the winner is..........................old , rich, white guys. What a surprise! Except for a couple winners who were old, rich, white women, the old rich, white guys dominated the victory list. But not only did the old, rich ,white guys win their elections, they also ran the elections. They even did most of the reporting of the elections. So America can be proud. We are a nation for the rich, by the rich and of the rich. Just the way the founding fathers intended. The only difference between us and the founders are they admitted it and we are in denial. I for one don't think we should deny it. I think our system is not perfect but it is the closer than other governments. So I beg you not to try to change it. Leave it the way it is. At least till I'm gone. Because being an middle aged, middle class, white guy, I'd hate to see it get changed right before I get to be an old rich white guy. So you can love it or leave it but for God's sake let me have my turn!
November 5 HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THESE THINGS? Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Coca-Cola was originally green. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is impossible to lick your elbow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (Now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The youngest pope was 11 years old. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs - Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? A. Conception. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic? A. He was allergic to carrots. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party? A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AND FINALLY.................................................... At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
These tidbits of knowledge was brought to you by a fellow reader
Club Husband Tips; Never do today what your wife might do tomorrow Never store your fishing poles together. It gives away the fact you have more than you need. Don't post pictures of your wife on the internet unless it's on Club Husband Never take marriage advice from Club Husband A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work Night fishing should only be done one week out of the month. Maybe two if you suffer from PMS Buying your wife a Black Powder Gun for Christmas is okay as long as she enjoys watching you use it Sighting in your scope is a good cover for spying on the neighbors Buying your wife a snow blower for Christmas is okay north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Buying your wife a rototiller for Christmas is okay south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Reading Club Husband in the bathroom is not recommended unless you own a waterproof lap top Never get caught reading Club Husband tips
November 2 Is it only me but do the rest of you also think weathermen don't know any more than we do. If I got it wrong as much as they do I don't think I could show my face on television. Let alone show my face with my hair so puffed up I wouldn't know it was raining in a monsoon. Let me give them a suggestion. If you were a little more accurate you wouldn't have to broadcast the weather while standing outside in a blizzard. We would take your word for it.
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