Half shirts. Bare midriffs. Tummy shirts. Belly shirts.
A half shirt by any other name is still a half shirt.
But by half shirt I do not mean a shirt that is worn by someone too fat for it to cover half their fat belly. A belly shirt is to be worn by women who have no belly. I know it’s confusing but trust me it’s worth learning. It is not to be worn if your belly hangs over your pants. I don’t care how young you are or how big your hoo-hoos are. It is only to be worn if you can look down and see your feet. Not just your toes but your whole foot.
I am tired of going out to eat and losing my appetite because some SharPei of a woman walks by wearing a belly shirt and all I can see is a waist land of white flesh. It is especially disturbing if she is sixty years old.
Listen Grandma leave the sexy wear to the young. This is the one exception to the foot rule. You may be able to see your feet but if those feet remember The Second World War wear something that covers your wrinkly old lady stomach so I don’t lose mine.
Christ almighty doesn’t anyone own mirrors any more? Can’t we get a government program to make mirrors mandatory?
If we can force people to mow their lawns can’t we force them to buy mirrors? We could make up some horseshit about if they keep wearing gross inappropriate clothes it will make my property values drop. After all isn’t property values the one thing that even trumps the Constitution. What the hell is wrong with stomping the crap out of personal freedoms if it is in the name of property values.
So there you have it. We will pass a law requiring you to check yourself in the mirror. That will take care of the problem. Certainly if these fashion idiots see themselves they would never leave the house looking like they do. If that doesn’t work we could impose a burka law for all women who violate the laws of fashion. I could be the judge of what looks good. (topless women) If you do not meet my standards, cover up or prepare to be dealt with in the name of property values.
After all why should these people be allowed to wear things that I don’t like?
What the hell do they think? That they live in America?